Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I don't want to be the fat girl at the front of the room

First off, I'm so excited to have so many new friends!! Welcome, everyone!

Jan asked in comments whether it's weird to want to lose weight with a random stranger over the internet.

Hell, no! Let's do it, lady! I'm the ultimate internet friend. *fist bump*

All right, so I was supposed to go to the gym last night. I didn't go.

Here's what I told myself last night:

It was my preschooler's first day back to school after 10 days home, and I wanted to be here for him. Also, the group fitness room would be packed with New Years Resolutioners, and I don't want to be grouped with them. (Do you see the irony?) Besides, I tore my gastroc last spring (calf muscle), and do I really want to risk it right out of the gate?

Here's the truth:

I was afraid.

Seriously, I was afraid. I didn't want to be the fat girl at the front of the room. I didn't want to think about people watching me jiggle all over the place and wonder what I'm doing there.

Women are vicious.

You know we are. Let's call a spade a spade. And if you've ever been the fat kid in grade school, you know just how vicious other girls can be. You could have a room full of people telling you that you look great, but if one person snorts a laugh behind her hand, you just KNOW she's talking about you, and it destroys all the compliments. (Hey, Sarah Fine, maybe do a post on your blog about why that happens. I'm genuinely curious.)

I used to be so good at Step aerobics that my favorite instructor, Jill Fellman, was trying to get me to take the certification classes to become an instructor. I love Step. That's the class I should have taken last night.

I was afraid.

But you know what I realized?

I'm going to keep being the fat girl until I stop worrying so much about what other people think. The only way to stop being the fat girl bumbling along on the treadmill is to keep getting on the treadmill.

So tonight I'm going to put on my leggings and tee shirt, and I'm going to get myself out the door. I'm going to take cardio kickboxing because I know I love it, I know it's a good workout, and I love the instructor. (Anyone else in the Baltimore area? I'd love company.) I'm not going to look in the full length mirrors and think, "Look at that fat chick."

Well, I am. But I'm also going to think, "Look at that uppercut. She looks kind of badass."


(Please go read the comments in the previous post if you have a second. rurounigirl20 has a ton of great tips for losing weight. I'm not entirely sure how to link straight to a comment or I'd do it.)


  1. I'm on it, Brigid. Your example of hearing compliments and then brushing them off in favor of believing something negative is a cognitive distortion. Specifically, it's called "disqualifying the positive." It's one of those things your sneaky brain tells you that ends up making you feel like utter shite. You have to train your smart brain to kick the sneaky brain's ass and talk back to it, just like you're doing by paying attention to your awesome uppercut. So--keep it up! Now ... I'm off to figure out my Wii Fit.

  2. Hey - I think I'm going to be the "clumsy" girl because I just bought today's Groupon for group excercise classes at Divine Body Fitness in Timonium. I'm going to try Zumba and Boot Camp. Watch out people :)

  3. You know, I was worried that my gym would be filled with new years resolutioners too (it was last year!), which would make things difficult for me (it's a small gym, only 5 cardio machines). But you know what? It's been empty. Good for me :)

  4. My gym was PACKED with people. There were 57 people in the kickboxing class (according to the sign-in sheet). I went up front so I wouldn't kill anyone.

    But I went! I'm so glad I did.

    How did you guys work out? Sarah, did you get the Wii Fit up and running?

    Jenny, I've heard lots of good things about Zumba. You'll have to let me know what you think. I'm not a good dancer, so I've never tried.

    And S.K. (What's your name?), I'm jealous that you have an empty gym! Since kickboxing was so packed, I thought about running on a treadmill, but they were ALL taken.